Living With A Broken Heart

Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

Every day, the dawn breaks and a new day begins. And every day brings a new face – a real person with a beating heart, with eyes that stare into mine, with a hand to hold and a story that shatters my soul. How can we turn away our hands? How can we simply say “We will pray for you,” and not do something?

I have struggled working in the clinic, seeing school children during the week and the rest of the community on the weekend. Each child I ask “Did you eat today?” and the answer is always no if it is before their 10:00am meal of porridge that they get at school. I then ask who they live with at home and very rarely have an answer of mom and/or dad. I love to hug them and get a smile out of them. And then I pray with them. Because what good is physical healing if their soul is in danger? If they don’t know Jesus as Savior?

My heart is constantly broken and being broken again and again. God’s grace alone lets me get up and do another day.

I think of Michael, eight years old and burned badly in a fire. People scoff because he was jumping over the fire, but what they don’t know is that his grandpa died almost one year ago exactly and ever since then he has been acting out. His grandmother let her husband die so she could sell his land. And now here is Michael, in the hospital for weeks, a brave little boy wanting to be loved, with 25% of his skin burned off.

I think of a woman I saw in the clinic, Prossy, mother of a two year old. She has cancer and no way to pay the $500.00 needed for radiation. No way to pay the money so that she won’t have to leave another orphan behind.  She came in, bent over in pain, begging for help.

I think of Collin, a boy in the “foster care” system because his father, a witch doctor, raped a woman and is in prison. His mother abandoned him when he was six months old. He has the sweetest smile you ever saw, with huge dimples and eyes that speak volumes. The first night here, we fed him a bowl of rice and beans. Once it was gone, he looked into his lap and started to cry. This boy had countless sores on his legs, oozing and broken open. He uses his shirt or his hands to wipe after using the bathroom. And yet, he sits on your lap, snuggling and singing “Hallelujah.”

I think of baby Isaac, two months old. He was abandoned by his father, so his mother left him at a bar to get back at him. He has the sweetest brown eyes, and when I hold him, I cannot fathom leaving him.

And then I think of Grace. Sweet Grace.  No one knows her age; by her teeth, they say she is three or four. She wears 9-12 month size clothes. She was abandoned in a bush with a dress and shoes on. She was found covered in scabs and was severely malnourished. On Saturday, we went to the place she was found to try and find any information we could about where she came from. And as I looked at the very bush she was found, I felt sick.  How can you leave your child? How can you not care? Grace is coming alive again. She laughs and plays and cries and wants to be held. Her face is filling out and her belly is not as swollen. But the road to recovery is long.

Finally, I think of a mom, left all alone with triplets, hated by her family and community. In this culture, triplets are considered a curse. They are at risk – the witch doctor wants them so he can do spells and eventually kill them, and the family blames them for all the problems they have. These three boys are nine months old. Nine months. Their mother wants to give them up. She feels defeated, depressed and cannot care for them.

These are real children, real people…. just like you and me. As I hold these children in my arms, I am angry. Angry at mothers who abandon their children. Angry at fathers who are never to be found. Angry at cultures who consider innocent babies as curses. And angry at people who look right past and do nothing, who hear but don’t feel.

But then I am reminded of my sin – my hard heart, my selfishness, my fears and uncertainties. I am reminded that no matter how many good things I do, I am just as sinful. God doesn’t want me to be angry – He wants me to be broken. Broken for my sin. Broken for the sin in the world causing children to be unloved and thrown away, causing mothers to be beaten, causing cultures to be twisted and deceived. And I am thankful that I am living with a broken heart.

How can I make you feel it with me? I cannot. I have no words for my feelings, no words for the horror and the sadness, for the hidden and visible wounds, for the pain. I cannot make you understand. I cannot make you care. But I can pray. And I can be broken. May the Lord transform hearts, as He is in the process of transforming mine. In my brokenness, I am changed. And while sometimes I am falling apart, barely breathing…when I am weak, then He is strong. And Jesus is enough.

Our time in Uganda so far.

Full, Abundant Life

"I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.  He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:9

God's truth.  For every person.  Every color.  Every nation.  Every tribe.  He has come to save.  He has come to give life to the full.  How do you tell this to a 3 or 4 year old who was found under a bush, malnourished and left to die. Only 11 pounds.  So malnourished, no one in her culture wants to look at her because she is so sick. Haven't found the parents yet.   How do you tell a twin girl, 10 years old, malnourished and starving, with no parents to care for her and her siblings.  No food at home, only at school where they are sponsored.  How do you tell a boy, burned in a fire.  His arm, stomach, ear and back. Went a whole night without telling anyone.  Just a little boy.  How do you tell this to a little girl.  Abused in every way.  Night after night.  No one to protect her when she calls.  How do you tell a young boy who gets beat every time he is late getting home.  How do you tell someone who has never been loved that they have a perfect Father in heaven who gave His life.  Perfect love. 

These are some of the real people we have met so far.  Too many to tell.  There are so many hungry, so many alone,so many sick, too many.  We are struggling with what this looks like.  We continue to tell them. We continue to hold them,  we continue to cry with them, cry out for them, feed them, play with them,  hear them.  But in the end, it is only Jesus who can do anything.  Only Jesus who can save them.  Only Jesus who can turn their mourning into dancing. 

He left the 99 and chased after the one.  One is worth it.  Even one.  The one in front of us.  That is the one we will tell.  That is the one we will love.  We will give them all to Him.  Lay them down at the foot of the cross.  They are His.  Not ours. We must not turn the other way.  We must reach out.  We follow Jesus.  He knows the way.  He is THE WAY.

Full, abundant life is knowing Jesus!! He is Lord!!

Home Away from Home

We have arrived in the village!  Bugabo Village, with George and Christie Magera. A story written by the Lord.  The. Words. Do. Not. Come. Easy.

We left home almost a week ago.  The 8 of us  have traveled across land and sea.  We have had a lot of sickness.  We are tired.  But we are full.

I will share some of the last week's details to keep you informed here.

Our plane from Detroit to Amsterdam had "issues".  We had to leave the runway and go back to the hanger.  It sure sounded like the wheels were not working to us.  Eventually we take off for a very long flight.  A medical emergency half way over the ocean.  Time to land and again it sounds like the wheels are not working again.  A stressful flight  indeed.  Zoe starts yelling, at the top of her lungs, "Jesus is the Christ, He's the King, He is the Savior, saved us from our sins, died on the cross!!!"  We wanted to stop her from yelling until we realized what she was saying. And it is true.  And we laughed. And we praised.

Arrived in Entebbe tuesday night. Zoe gets off the plane and immediately asks, "where are all the children?"   Detained at the airport.  Interrogated by Customs.  We had so many bags, (32 plus 16 carry ons)  4 containers are currently held at the airport.  And it turns out to be a blessing.  This process is a long one, but when it is finished, this will pave the way for all future containers to be brought in.  So thankful.

Stayed in a friend's beautiful house.  The vacation we didn't even know we needed.  Chelsey was able to heal here.  And. God. Already. Knew.

We were planning on taking a trip to Jinja to deliver bibles to our pastor friend, and meet with our other friend.  We had to change plans.  Seemed it was not the right timing.  We scrambled to find somewhere else to stay.  Adonai House.  They made room for us.  8 more. We met a man we needed to meet.  A God appointment.  He was filled with such wisdom.  We. Needed. To. Hear. More connections, more people praying.  We needed him in this journey.  God. Already. Knew.

We came to the village early.  And. Fell. In. Love.  They have been working so hard to get a house ready for us.  And it is more than we could ever ask or imagine.  We are in the bush.  In a village.  And we see God's face everywhere. So many children, beautiful children.  So many beautiful people.

Zoe is already learning Ugandan tribal dance.  Debbie Snyder's sponsor child,  Alice, is teaching her.  Micah is sick now.  So we could use prayer.

We will rest tonight, and begin serving tomorrow. We will also post pictures.

We are full.  Jesus is enough.  He knows what is next, and we will follow.

"For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail.  But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men, you will only find yourself fighting against God."  Acts 5:38b-39

Because His grace is sufficient,
Debbie, Steve, Brittany, Casey, Chelsey, Stephanie, Micah and Zoe

Saved by Grace

"I will exalt you, my God the king;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.

Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness."  Psalm 145:1-7

The LORD alone is worthy of praise.  He takes sinners and redeems them for His glory.  Nothing is too hard for Him.  No one has the life that He can't change.  The marriage that He can't fix.  The kids that He can't reach. The parents He can't redeem.  The child He can't rescue.  The heart He can't change.  He is hope fulfilled.

This will be a place where His story is written.  He has taken our broken lives and exchanged them for His abundant life.  Jesus is enough.  He is the peace and joy we have longed for.  We are on a journey with our King.  The One who saved us from sin and death.  The One who hung on the cross in our place, the death we deserve.  A free gift to all who call Him LORD.  He rose from the grave and conquered death~He lives!!!  And He has given us new life in Him.  Saved by the blood of Jesus.  Saved by GRACE.  How could we ever live the same?

And now by His grace, this family journeys to Uganda.  To live for a time.  An unfamiliar land, no comforts of home, but joy in His presence.  To a people saved by grace too.  Do they know?  Do you know?  He gave it all for you.